Part 3: The Truth Comes to Light
I was desperately trying to understand what was happening to the man I married. He was becoming a stranger, and I couldn’t make sense of his erratic behavior. It wasn’t until I was watching a reality dating show that I heard a word I couldn’t get out of my head: narcissist.
Driven by a desperate need for answers, I looked up the word. As I read through the characteristics, my heart sank. It was an overwhelming realization, a terrifying mix of clarity and dread. According to my research, he fit 7 of the 9 traits listed. What I had assumed was a phase or an addiction was actually the foundation of who he was.
His most dominant trait was the grandiose sense of self-importance. he bragged all the time and wanted to be praised for his every accomplishment. The problem wasn’t telling him he did a good job; it was the fact that he always beat you to the punch and praised himself. The constant need for admiration and validation was exhausting and revealed a part of him I never truly understood.
What was most difficult to deal with was his lack of empathy for my child, even though he never knew him. It was anything that took the focus off of him. His inability to feel with me in my grief was a powerful confirmation of what I was learning. When I was at my lowest, needing comfort, he was emotionally distant. He simply could not meet me in that space. For example, the anniversary of my son’s death was and still is a difficult time for me. Instead of going out of his way to help distract me, he would more often than not cause me more heartache by being a jerk. He would literally start an argument with me. I never understood why until I discovered he was a narcissist, that I truly understood what was going on. He had trouble dealing with emotions, both his and mine.
The truth had set me free from confusion, but the most painful truths were still to be revealed.
Marriage, Men, and Me 