Part 2: The Battle for Peace
If you read part 1, you know my commitment to self-care and boundaries is a matter of life and death, literally. The hardest thing I’ve ever lived through was the loss of my son. The reality of someone being here one moment and gone the next–that feeling of being unprepared, helpless, and not having a say –is a pain I draw my deepest strength from. It fuels my desperate need to fight for my right to choose and protect my peace now, not just accept what’s being handed out to me.
I am my own person and Curtis and I are both set in our ways. The constant questioning of my methods quickly leads to heated arguments, because I stand firm: “This is how I do it, and that’s that!”
He hates when I take such a stand and becomes frustrated, and his discomfort immediately shifts the focus back to my supposed inflexibility. My thought is: Why should I care about your feelings on how I make my eggs or the fact that I rather put foil in the air fryer instead of creating a mess. I shut the conversation down because how I make eggs is not up for debate. But the deeper problem is his pushing and my immediate shutdown–all rooted in a simple disagreement.
The constant “potatoes and patotoes” moments got old fast. But here’s the part nobody talks about: It’s not the disagreement that wears you down–it’s the constantly having to defend my method.
Every task becomes a silent test. Every difference, a debate. And I’m not auditioning–not for praise, not for approval, not for permission. I’ve made peace with how I move in the world. The question is–why hasn’t he?
My way works. It may not look like his, but it keeps this house clean, keeps food on the table, keeps my sanity intact. So no, I’m not changing it just to soothe someone else’s discomfort with not being in control. I used to over-explain, hoping he’d understand. Now I’ve learned that understanding isn’t required for me to continue. I move how I move. And if you love me–you’ll let me.
This is the new definition of love for me. It’s not about avoiding friction; its about sticking and staying–his words, and my daily choice–and working through the triggers together.
If you want to know how this unexpected love story began–before all the hard work–stay tuned for my next post under the theme, A Love I Didn’t Plan.
Marriage, Men, and Me 