Marriage, Men, and Me

The Unheard Virtue: Why My Silence Isn’t a Surrender

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“Let your words always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should answer each person.” Colossians 4:6

Colossians 4:6 isn’t just a suggestion; it’s a profound principle that guides my speech, especially when emotions flare. To me, ‘seasoned with salt’ carries so much meaning. Just like salt enhances the taste of food, adding flavor and acting as a preservative, I believe our words should enhance our interactions, preserve our bonds, and contribute to the happiness and peace of the relationship. Such tasteful and appropriate speech is essential to good communication and ultimately, the peace we seek.

In moments of intense feeling, I often find that the most ‘seasoned’ ‘thing I can do is to be silent– to pause, to pray, to prevent ungracious or hurtful words from escaping my lips. Word that I know would be anything but ‘seasoned’ and would displease God and our Lord Jesus Christ and corrode the very bond I cherish. It’s an act of recognizing my own limitations, a desperate need to stop before I lose control and become disrespectful.

Yet this practice, born of a deep desire to honor God and uphold graceful communication, often creates a painful disconnect with my husband. When I retreat into silence, he interprets it as an admission that he’s made an unwavering point, or that I’ve simply shut the conversation down. He presses, asking me to engage, to speak, and my quiet often escalates his frustration, instead of calming the storm, I find myself wondering: How can I uphold this divine principle of seasoned speech while also effectively communicating my desperate need for a pause, and reassuring him that my silence isn’t a surrender or a shutdown, but a striving to honor both him and God? How can we both navigate these moments so that our conversation truly contributes to the happiness and peace we both desire.

How do you choose your words when your emotions run high? I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Thank you 🙂

2 responses to “The Unheard Virtue: Why My Silence Isn’t a Surrender”

  1. Where Grace Guards, Beauty Grows. Avatar
    Where Grace Guards, Beauty Grows.

    Wow! This really opened my eyes to the importance of gracious speech. It hits home in a way I didn’t expect. This is a constant work in progress for me, and I never truly give it the attention it deserves. It’s so nice to hear another view and your approach on how you put action/effort into communicating this way. Well, my guy keeps reminding me how much I still need to grow in this area. He even says that he doesn’t see much effort, that it’s pointless to keep bring it to my attention because it won’t change. Yikes! Right. But to be honest, this blog has help me to realize I haven’t truly paused to reflect and come up with real, intentional steps I can take to be gracious in my speech and to ensure it seasoned with salt, especially when my emotions feel like they’re slipping out my hands. This has really opened my heart and challenges me to be more mindful. Not just in thought, but in action, so I’m ready when those hard moments come. In my efforts to work through what I go through, I will try to pause before I respond, take a few seconds and remind myself it’s safe to respond not to react. Keep my voice soft, even when being firm.

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    1. Marriage, Men, and Me Avatar
      Marriage, Men, and Me

      Awww, thank you so much for sharing. It’s definitely not easy and it takes time, so be patient with yourself because I can tell you from experience there are times that I have failed miserably, and when those moments happen don’t beat yourself up, instead keep picking yourself up and continue trying. Also, remember to celebrate YOURSELF when you accomplish something you set out to accomplish. YOU GOT THIS!

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